


Baby Got Back

by DeadmanDairyland



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, takes place after "Gwen Gets a Job"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 07:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17463464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadmanDairyland/pseuds/DeadmanDairyland
Summary: David drives Gwen back to camp after her job interview goes poorly. Gwen cheers herself up with her favorite song of all time, at the expense of David's innocence.





	Baby Got Back

David leaned back in the driver's seat of the station wagon as he waited for Gwen to return from her interview. The windows were rolled down halfway to let fresh air in. The car was completely off to conserve the battery, which unfortunately meant that he couldn't listen to the next exciting installment of the Farmers' Almanac. Instead, he decided to close his eyes and rest. There was not much else to do at the moment anyway, at least as far as David was aware.

His eyes opened again when he heard knocking on the passenger's side window. He glanced over and saw Gwen looking back at him with a blank stare. Immediately David knew something was wrong, but he tried to keep his demeanor positive to hopefully ease whatever tensions would rise from whatever happened in there.

He reached over to unlock the door for Gwen to get in. "Uh, so... how was the interview?" he asked as she sat down on the seat.

"What do you think?" Gwen muttered bitterly as she closed the door. "I don't want to talk about it. Just... take me back to the camp."

David nodded and turned the car on. Normally he would ask Gwen what happened or try to find some way to cheer her up, which rarely ever worked out the way he hoped, but something about Gwen's melancholic tone of voice and the look of dejection on her face kept him from pressing further.

Gwen noticed that David was holding back for her sake, and she appreciated it. So somewhere between the city and Sleepy Peak she decided to confide in him. "Mind if I whine and complain for a second?"

While Gwen never really hid most of her grievances from David, it was rare for her to actually open up to him, so this question took him by surprise for a moment. But he was always ready to listen, and she could at least count on him for that.

"Feel free to vent as much as you want," David said with a smile, but it wasn't the usual David smile that made him look like a shady car salesman or a manager at a department store who had secretly lost the will to live. This smile was far more genuine, and that motivated Gwen more than any exaggerated David smile ever could.

"Well, at first I thought I nailed the interview," Gwen told him, "but then the guy said I was _overqualified."_ That last word was said with the venom of a hundred rattlesnakes.

David blinked once and began to pull the car over to the side of the road, taking Gwen by surprise.

"Uh... David?" Gwen asked in concern as David brought the car to a stop.

"Over... what?" David asked, sounding absolutely confused. "Overqualified? What does that--What does that even _mean?"_

"It, uh, means that they don't want to hire me because I have too many skills," Gwen explained.

The station wagon sat on the side of the road for some time as David processed this information. No matter how he tried, he couldn't make sense of it. But what he did know was that Gwen didn't get the job she wanted for some stupid reason that--as far as he was concerned--made no sense, and that bothered him immensely.

"That... That doesn't even make any sense!" he said, completely baffled by the idea. "How does having too many skills keep you from getting a job?"

"Because they think I'll leave as soon as I find something that pays better," Gwen explained.

"...Oh." David completely deflated, though he was still annoyed that this kept Gwen from greener pastures. "I guess that makes sense. But it's still ridiculous."

"Oh, no arguments there." Gwen crossed her arms. "How do you think I felt when he told me that?"

David pulled back onto the road now that he felt he was calm enough to drive. "I can't imagine. Sorry about all that, by the way. I wasn't sure if I was going to get mad or not, and I don't want to drive while mad."

"It's fine. I'd hate to see what you look like when you road rage," Gwen said with a laugh. "I think it'd destroy my image of you."

"It's not a pretty sight, that's for sure," David admitted.

They rode in silence for some time, but David was glad to see that Gwen appeared to be in a slightly better mood than she was earlier. He figured that it was a good time to try and cheer her up further with the always fun to listen to audio tape of the Farmer's Almanac.

As he reached for the tape, Gwen held a hand up to stop him. "No. We're not listening to the Farmer's Almanac."

"Aww..." David said, disappointed.

Gwen smiled at him. "If you _really_ want to cheer me up, play this instead." She handed him a cassette tape of her own.

One of David's eyebrows raised as Gwen put the tape into the cassette player. "Gwen, what are we about to listen to?"

"Oh, don't worry. It's entirely wholesome, I swear," Gwen said with a devious smirk.

Somehow David didn't believe her.

Gwen pressed play, and that was how it began.

_"Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at her butt."_

David gasped. "Gwen, I thought you said this was wholesome!"

"Oh, don't tell me you have a problem with people talking about butts," Gwen said in amusement.

"I'm not worried about that," David said. "I kinda _expected_ that, to be honest. But they're being really mean to this woman."

"Oh, that. Don't worry about that," Gwen said, this time earnestly. "Trust me when I say the guy rapping this song does not share the views of those brats."

As if on cue, the soothing voice of passionate poet Sir Mix-a-Lot filled the car.

_"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny--"_

"Oh, my!" David said, almost scandalized by the words being said and the image being formed in his brain. Gwen just laughed.

"Get ready to be corrupted, you innocent son of a bitch," Gwen said devilishly before she started rapping along to the song. "Wanna pull up tough 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed deep in the jeans she's wearin'. I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'. Oh, baby, I wanna get wit'cha--"

"Gwen!" David said, blushing heavily. "I'm driving!"

"And?" Gwen asked with a smirk.

"I might need to pull over again if you keep putting these images in my head," David admitted.

Gwen didn't seem too worried about that. "Well, use me, use me, 'cause you ain't that average groupie. I've seen 'em dancin'. To hell with romancin'. She's wet, wet--got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette--"

"Oh my gosh!" David said as he pulled over. Gwen almost died of laughter. "How long is this song?"

"What makes you think we're only listening to this once?" Gwen asked him.

"We'll never get back to camp then," David said.

"Good. The camp sucks."

"Gwen..." David mumbled, insulted at the comment.

"C'mon, David, you know it's true," Gwen said. But when she noticed David's shoulders slumped, she sympathized with him. "Look, it's not the brats I have a problem with. It's the conditions we're forced to operate under. We have no money, no resources, everything is outdated..." She crossed her arms. "We don't get paid enough for the stuff we deal with and you know it."

"...Yeah," David admitted, understanding her point. "I guess I can see why you want to leave. If it were up to me, I'd give you a six figure salary and health benefits. It's the least you deserve for the stuff you put up with, really."

Gwen softened when she heard that. "Wow, David. Thank you. That means a lot, actually."

"And I know this might sound harsh, but fuck those guys," David added.

Gwen's eyebrows raised in shock. "Uh, what was that?" she asked, not believing what she just heard.

"Those guys that wouldn't hire you because you're 'overqualified,'" David said, making air quotes with his fingers. "If they can't see what a great asset you would be for their company, then they're not very smart."

"No, I get that," Gwen said, still reeling from David's lesser used vocabulary. "I just don't think I've ever heard you say that word before. You're usually squeaky clean. Almost annoyingly so."

"Wait, what word are we talking about?" David asked, having completely forgotten what he said.

Gwen grinned at him. "You just dropped the F-bomb, Davey."

David blushed in embarrassment. "Oh, did I? Gosh, I'm so sorry! Uh, don't tell the kids I did that..."

Gwen laughed. "Relax, David. I'm not _that_ cruel. Now if you'll excuse me..." She cleared her throat as her favorite line in the song came up. "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!"

David coughed.


End file.
